Reminiscence
by Luinuial
Summary: The façade of Las Noches never changes. It reminds me too much of myself...I hate this place. I hate the petty power struggles that go on daily between the Espada. But mostly, I hate the fact that you're not here. GinRan oneshots, Gin's POV. Part 15 up!
1. Hate and Longing

After deliberation, I've decided to post my slowly growing collection of GinRan one-shots. They're all from Gin's point of view, which is pretty hard to do because we don't really know how or what he thinks... but here is my take on it all.

I started writing this all as one lonnnnnng piece, then began to break it up into chunks. This was the first part, and, as of now (I have maybe 4-5 done) is my favorite.

Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...but I wish I did.

* * *

Nothing ever changes here. 

The moon is always a rounded crescent, the sand is always gray, and the walls are always white. It's always just as bleak as it was the day before. No wind ever shifts the sands—not naturally at least. No stars ever blink in the sky. The façade of Las Noches _never_ changes. It reminds me too much of myself.

I hate this place.

I hate the silvery sand that crawls into my rooms through unseen cracks in the walls and windows. I hate the spiney, quartz-like trees that dot the landscape outside. I hate the labyrinth of hallways and tunnels that have me second guessing my path every time I leave my room.

I hate the petty power struggles that go on daily between the Espada, a mix of thinly veiled insults and outright disobedience. I hate that I no longer have the option of doing things on my own terms, as I always had before, even when we lived in that little hovel of a shack we called home.

Now, all my actions are monitored, all my choices must be carefully thought out. I hate that I can't leave and then come back whenever the feeling compels me. I hate my diminishing sense of presence. I hate the fact that I am beginning to question myself, something I _never_ used to do—not when I attacked Hinamori, or destroyed the Central 46, or threatened any number of other shinigami.

But mostly, I hate the fact that you're not here.

You always had the ability to brighten up a room. You brightened our little shack more than I think you'll ever know. And you brightened me. You brought something into my life I wasn't sure even _existed_.

Before you came to live with me, before I'd found you collapsed on the street, I came and went as I pleased, and whether or not I would ever return to the shack was always up in the air. I had no reason to return to it if I didn't feel like. I would be gone for weeks at a time, wandering wherever I felt. But after you moved in with me, I had a reason to come back. I knew you'd be waiting for me.

You always were.

I admit, I reveled in the power I knew that I held over you with my comings and goings.

I knew it upset you when I was gone, and I could tell how happy you were when I returned. The look of surprise that would cross your face whenever I'd wander back into your life is one I still remember. Your eyes would shine and your mouth would open, a small 'O' of surprise, like you thought I'd never come back. Then your face would change and a magnificent smile would appear.

You never asked where I'd gone or where I was going. I'm sure you figured I wouldn't tell you.

I wouldn't have.

I think you didn't want me to have that power over you as well; my long excursions drove you mad, I know—but you didn't want me to think they did.

Every now and then I'd bring something back for you, flowers were a favorite of mine. Simple, virtually painless to get, and they made you smile. You'd run out to the little creek behind our shack and fill one of our few bowls with fresh water and arrange the blooms as best you could. You worked tirelessly to keep them alive, then hung them upside down to dry once they'd finally died. The walls of our shack slowly became decorated, covered with bunches of dried flowers, giving it a slightly more homey atmosphere. I wonder if you knew that sometimes, when I'd leave you behind, my sole purpose of leaving was to bring you back something pretty, something that would let me see that beautiful smile of yours.

That's one thing I still think you never figured out, Rangiku, and you've figured a lot of me out in the past centuries.

You learned to read my moods early on; you could tell through my ever-present smile and barely-open eyes whether I was content or upset. Every twitch of my eyes and muscles you saw, and then translated so masterfully—no one has been able to do that, no matter how hard they've tried.

You were much easier to read—every emotion played across your face and in your eyes. You could mask your emotions well enough when you wanted to, and you got better at is as we grew, but I think I could always tell. At first, I thought it was a weakness, ridiculous that you'd show everyone how you were feeling. Eventually, I realized that it was brave of you, and that it was something I loved about you.

You're lost to me now. I know this. I'm reminded of it daily when I listen vaguely to reports of what is going on in Soul Society. Every now and then your name is mentioned. I know you're in the real world now. I'm sure you're enjoying it—there's nothing you like better than torturing your captain and shopping.

I've thought about sneaking out of here, going to Karakura to see you, but I'd be willing to bet I'd be dead before I got within ten feet of you. Either Aizen would kill me for my disobedience or one of your comrades would. I don't think you'd kill me…

Not right away, at least.

You'd question me, try to demand answers, asking questions I'm not even sure I know the answer to. If you asked me why I followed Aizen, why I betrayed you and everyone in Seireitei, the only thing I think I'd be able to tell you is that it's just who I am.

Then again, you might not even ask, because you already know that about me.

* * *

Well...? Be kind... I'm still iffy about these. 

Please, please review!

-Luin


	2. Eyes Like Ice

Second snippet in the 'Reminiscence' series.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...but I wish I did.

* * *

I distinctly remember the first time you asked to see my eyes. 

We were still children, in more ways than just our naiveté, and we'd just gone swimming in the little creek behind our hovel. We lay side by side on the dirty ground together, basking in the warm sun as we dried.

You were chattering about something as you often did, to fill the silence I helped to create. You sat up suddenly and looked at me rather quizzically.

"Gin," you'd said, your voice confident as it always was. "Why do you never open you eyes?"

"They're open," I'd replied, titling my head towards her, squinting my eyes shut a bit more against the sunlight. You were beautiful even then, wet and dirty, silhouetted in the golden light.

You rolled your own light-blue eyes. "Well obviously, otherwise you wouldn't be able to see. I meant why don't you open them all the way?"

I shrugged. "No need ta'."

"What color are they?" was your next curious question.

I shrugged again.

I'd never seen a mirror in my life, so I wouldn't know that way.

I knew what my reflection in water looked like—I knew I was long and gangly with silver hair— but it wasn't as if I could get close enough to see my eye color without sticking my face under.

You gave me a searching look after that, trying to figure out what to say next. You decided on nothing, and soon we got up and headed back into our hut.

I remember the second time you asked to see my eyes, too. It was also the last time.

Years had passed since the day out by the creek, how many I'm not sure. We'd both grown in the time that had gone by. I was tall, maybe six feet already, and you were a head or so shorter than me. My body had changed, becoming lithe and covered with ropy muscle from my long excursions. Your body had changed a bit more significantly, in a way that neither I nor any other male could ignore.

You complained about your breasts at first, saying they got in your way and made your back hurt, but you got over that eventually. Once you discovered the power you held over the male species with them, you seemed to get along with them just fine.

I'd just come back from a typical, weeklong absence. I was especially excited about returning to you as I'd brought you something I knew you were going to like.

I'd spent a few days on a farm, helping with the harvest for a decent sum of money, and purchased a silken, pink scarf for you after I'd bought food for the both of us. The shop keeper who I'd gotten it from had given me a dirty look when I'd walked in—which wasn't surprising, I was covered in dirt from head to toe, and my silvery hair and typical facial expression usually made people wary of me.

Once I'd emptied what remained of my gold purse however, he was more than happy to assist.

It didn't take me long to pick the scarf out for you. I knew what your favorite color was, as well as your appreciation for simple beauty. I was annoyed I didn't have enough money for a longer one, but I knew you'd enjoy the small, twilly one anyways. It was long enough for you to tie your hair back with it, or wear it around your wrist or neck.

I wandered into the hut, bag of food slung over one shoulder and the box with the scarf held in my other hand. Your back was to me when I entered, and you were sitting by the pit we used to cook. You were making something, what I don't remember, and I doubt you do either.

If my memory serves me correctly, whatever it is you were cooking was never actually consumed.

It took you a moment to realize my presence—you hadn't yet learned how to pick up on reiatsu as quickly as you would. You turned your head, smiling slightly at me over your shoulder.

"Welcome home, Gin," you said, taking in my dirty appearance and packages with a small smile I liked to think you saved just for me.

"Aa," I said, walking over and setting the bag of food against the wall by the pit, turning to face you.

It never ceased amaze me how beautiful you could look in a plain yukata, drawn up to your knees, your legs streaked with dirt, your hair in tangles. I think it was your eyes. They never ceased shining.

"I brought ya' somethin'."

Your smile changed as you looked at me, it seemed like you wanted to scold me for bringing you yet another gift. I handed the box to you over the fire, my smile toned down as I waited for you to open it.

You set your ladle down, and with careful fingers, untied the string that was wrapped around the box and slowly lifted the lid.

"Gin!" you gasped, your eyes flashing from me to the scarf.

"Ya like it?" I asked with a grin. Unlike most of my smiles, this one was genuine.

There were few things I enjoyed more than making you smile.

"It's beautiful!" you said, taking it out with careful fingers.

"I know," I replied, watching as you took it out, unfurling it and admiring it every way you could. "I thought it'd be nice in yer hair." You hair had grown long in the past years, longer than you usually let it grow. It dusted your shoulders in soft waves. I admit, on more than one occasion, I'd brushed it from your face when you were sleeping, just as I was tempted to do now.

"Arigatou, Gin," you said, looking back at me. Your eyes were watery, and it alarmed me slightly.

"Yer welcome," I said, watching warily as tears slowly slid down your face. "Oi, Ran-chan, what's wit' th' tears?" I walked over to you around the fire, standing a few feet in front of you.

You sniffled, a rather pathetic sound I would have mocked had it come from anyone but you.

"You always do such nice things for me, Gin," you said after you'd gathered your thoughts and stopped the slow tears. You clutched the scarf tightly in one hand and the other was twirling a lock of your hair around your finger, something I knew meant you were frustrated. "I don't know how I'm ever going to pay you back for it all."

I raised my eyebrow. "That's th' most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," I said, and it was. I didn't expect any form of repayment, not from you. Your smiles always seemed to be enough for me.

"But it's true!" you said earnestly. "Gin there's no way I can ever—"

You stopped speaking as I put my hand on the side of your cheek. I don't know why I did it.

Maybe I wanted you to stop worrying about paying me back, or to stop rambling. Maybe I simply wanted to touch you. It'd been a daily urge, something I grappled with every day and second I was in your company.

Whatever the reason, you didn't move away, didn't push my hand off. You just stared at me.

I don't know what prompted you to ask, but the same words you spoke years before you said again then: "What color are they?" you asked softly, and before I could ask what, you hand was on my face as well, your fingers dusting over my eyebrows.

I knew you meant my eyes. Your fingertips continued to trace the contours of my face, my eyes and eyebrows.

"I dunno," I replied, my voice coming out softer, and huskier, than I'd intended it to.

"Let me see them," you said softly. It was a demand, but a polite one.

There are very few people I take orders from, no more than a very small handful.

You were the first person I'd ever obeyed.

Slowly, I raised my lids and stared down into your own, corn-blue orbs. Your eyes widened, as if you were surprised, but then a smile broke out across your lips.

"They're blue," you said quietly, smiling, "Almost like… ice." You brought your other hand up to my face, running a finger along my jaw-line. You seemed to be thinking then, and I watched you, my eyes wide open.

Slowly, hesitantly, you leaned into me, drawing my face closer to yours. I didn't need any help then. My other hand immediately snaked up and wrapped tightly around your tiny waist, crushing your body to mine as you set our lips against one another.

What happened next, I'm sure you have no problem remembering, Rangiku. We fell in a heap onto my pallet and spent the next weeks exploring each other in ways I never thought we would. I've never done things like that with any one besides you since then, and I don't think I will ever again.

No one could, can, or will _ever_ compare to you.

You started wearing the scarf around your neck the next day, sometimes tying it around your wrist, or using it to old back your hair. It made my heart do strange things in my chest whenever I saw you with it.

By the time you retired the small pink piece of silk, we were shinigami, assigned to our respective squads, third seats both of us. The only reason you stopped wearing it was because I'd given you a longer one, finally able to afford something lavish for you, something I thought you deserved. I know you kept the little scarf though, in your jewelry box, along with a cluster of flowers you dried on the wall of our hut.

I wonder if you've kept them still, or if you discarded them after I left, just as I discarded you.

It wasn't easy to do, was it Rangiku?

* * *

If you can't tell, I have a very romantically-tragic spin on Gin and Rangiku's relationship. They are probably my favorite couple ever, even though we don't really know if they ever _were_ a couple. 

Please, please, please review!

-Luin

**Note: If you only watch the anime, then to you all, Gin's eyes are red. In the manga, however, according to Kubo Tite, they are a light green-ish/blue. Check out the cover of volume 20. I like the red eyes too (I use the red in my other GinRan fic), but I wanted to be true to Gin's character. **


	3. Fear

This snippet is vaguely connected to the chapter before it, and was also inspired by Rangiku's comment to Luppi that talkative guys make her sick. I think little things like that mean a lot when looking at her and Gin's relationship, so I've tried to include them when I think about 'em.

Also, take note at the mention of my favorite crack pairing... :3

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...but I wish I did.

Also, I want to say 'thanks' to everyone who reviewed (Yes, all four of you). Your enthusiastic reviews made me so very happy.

* * *

There aren't many female Arrancar around here. The place is filled with angry and malicious testosterone. 

Most of it is _quite_ virile.

Grimmjow is especially notorious for his sexual escapades with the few females that are here. Aizen-san's little red- and blue-haired chits seem to be fascinated by violent, sixth espada. They're too young and power hungry to realize that they're just being used by him in his continuing campaign to forget Neliel.

Today one of the females, one with long, bright violet hair, sought me out in the control room. I suppose one would have called her beautiful. She was petite, with soft curves and features, her hollow's hole right where her bellybutton should have been. She possessed the deadly aura that surrounded everything in this place, moving with a precise, cat-like grace.

She seemed incredibly put off that I wanted nothing to do with her.

It's not only that I have no desire to lie with any other woman, but most of them are afraid of me—which is something I want them to be. The aura I give off is one I've spent years crafting.

Even the little violet-haired arrancar scampered off after I fixed a rather malicious smile at her, tossing out what should have been an innocent question or response to something she said, but that came out as a serious threat.

You saw through it, my deadly aura—though that's not to say it's simply aura alone. I wouldn't get anywhere unless I actually gave people evidence of my ruthlessness.

You were never afraid of me, Rangiku.

I don't think you_ ever_ were.

You were possibly afraid _for_ me, but never _of_ me.

To your credit, I don't think there is much you fear.

I remember listening to Luppi's report of his fight with you, Yumichika, and Ikkaku. I hadn't been paying attention, but my ears perked up when I heard him tell Aizen that he'd fought with 'a sexy blonde with huge tits'. I immediately knew it was you.

I'd liked Luppi, more so than any of the other Espada, but when I heard him speak of you in that manner my hand itched the grab Shinsou and stab the little bastard through.

I think Aizen noticed the spike in my reiatsu as he'd flicked his eyes at me, and I was quick to subdue my pulse. I often think that Aizen will try to use you in attempts to get me to do what he wishes. Not that he should be worried about that—I've followed him this far and have remained loyal.

When it comes to you, however, I think even Aizen Sosuke knows that you are the one thing in my life I will not allow to be destroyed. You are the one thing I won't permit harm to come to.

At least, as much as I can help it.

I know, already, that the emotional trauma I've caused you has been great, so I will settle for physical harm. It is probably more than you'd allow me, anyways.

Luppi went on and on about the fight, throwing in lewd comments about your body as he went. He mentioned that you'd angered him by telling him that guys like him, guys who talked too much, made you sick.

My smile widened considerably at that, and not in a particularly _nice_ way.

By the time he was done, for the first time in my life I was thankful for your little, boy-genius taicho. If it hadn't been for him, you might not have survived. I believe in your strength, I honestly always have, but Luppi was a tricky bastard. He was never afraid of using underhanded methods to achieve victory…but then again, neither am I.

My like of Luppi cooled after that experience, to say the least.

* * *

...yes, GrimmNel is my favorite crack pairing. Grimmjow is also one of my favorite characters...I have to make a list of the top ten sometime soon, my brother has demanded one from me. I think it's going to be hard...Renji's been solid at number one since I started watching Bleach... Gin's up there too, so are Ichigo, Rangiku, Rukia, and Ishida...and Isshin...and Youruichi and Urahara...oh, and Ukitake and Kyoraku...and Keigo! And Ulquiorra...and Kenpach and Yachiru...and Shuu! And Nanao...and Byakuya... 

..._shit._

Please review!

-Luin

Something I find amusing...my brother and I went out to dinner last night, and we tried to make me a top ten list, but it failed. He's nine years old, and he told me to just give up. We went to this little store that carries Bleach stuff while we were out. I bought myself a Renji shirt (WOO!) which I will most definitely wear, and he got a Byakuya doll. It is adorable. At Borders too, they had these little boxes where you could get one of five figurines (Ishida, Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, and Orihime) inside, and you couldn't tell who you got until you bought and opened your box. I told the Brother that if he got Renji, we were trading, or else I'd keep Bya as a hostage. We both expressed great desire to NOT get Orihime. I opened mine in the car and got Ishida, and as I'm backing up I just hear my bro go 'Aw...crap...'.

He got 'Hime.


	4. Protection and Independence

You were always very annoyed whenever I tried to protect you, even when we were younger. I learned quickly I had to do so indirectly, treating it more like a chore than something I actually wanted to do if I didn't want to anger you.

You would get offended so easily, storming off whenever I tried to shield you from anything varying from rain to suggestive comments men threw at you as you walked down the street to unsheathed swords once we'd become shinigami.

You believed very strongly—and very rightly—that you could protect yourself.

"I do just fine when you're gone, Gin," you'd told me acidly one night. "I don't need you to protect me."

I'd threatened a man who'd been ogling you in the marketplace earlier.

He'd come up to you, draping a dirty arm around your shoulder. I saw you stiffen, and I could feel the spike in your reiatsu as he whispered suggestive things to you. I didn't hear what he said, but from the look on your face, I knew you weren't happy.

"Oi, Ran-chan, what's this?" I drawled, sidling up beside you.

The man's casual, suggestive demeanor vanished when he saw me. His arm immediately fell from your shoulders.

He, like most of the villagers in the town nearby out little hut, was frightened of me.

My ever-smiling façade made them uncomfortable, and I'm sure not a one of them trusted me farther than they could throw me. And considering none of them could or would ever be throwing me anywhere, the amount of trust they had for me was _very_ small indeed.

I preferred it that way.

You glared at me as I continued to smile, anything but innocently. I felt your annoyance turn from the man towards me.

"Is this man botherin' ya'?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

You said nothing, just continued to glare at me.

The man, however, stuttered. "N-no, just sayin' hello."

I continued to smile at him.

"Oh? Don't _look_ like that," I said slowly, raising an eyebrow. The man was practically shivering in the sunlight now. "Might wanna be careful, next time," I told him, "Ya' never know goin'ta be watchin' or what they're gonna think."

With that, I slipped my arm around your waist and steered you away as the man mumbled rushed apologies at our backs.

I was more than a little surprised you let me.

I think, at the point, you were torn between annoyance and amusement that I'd gotten so worked up over another man touching you. I wasn't jealous—I wouldn't be jealous of another man for many years—but I did _not_ want him touching you. He simply didn't deserve to.

Not, that I'm suggesting, I ever had the rights to you either, Rangiku.

Annoyance had won over by the time we'd gotten back home. Lucky for me, you cooled off as the night wore on, enough that I was able to convince you to leave your pallet for mine.

You were always so independent, Rangiku, I think that was something that drew me to you.

It amazed me that a little orphan girl could grow into someone so strong and so bubbly. You were always quick to smile, quick to laugh…I realize now those are two things I miss here in this white stone hell.

There were many other times you fought me when it came to my 'rescuing you', both in the streets as the years wore on, stretching into our days at the academy when someone would comment on your body or call you any number of lewd names.

I tried protecting you with my sword only once—by the time the hollow I'd been trying to keep away from you had been detroyed, you had your own sword at my neck, your body crackling with raw power that was magnified by your annoyance and anger.

I knew you never really needed rescuing, Rangiku.

I think after a while you realized I wanted to protect you not because I thought you needed it, but because I wanted to.

I'm sure you knew this, and know it still now, but I'm very protective of things that I consider to be mine.

And to me, I think, you will _always_ be mine.

* * *

I'm surprised how many hits this is getting-- it makes me very happy.

I liked how this part came out. I've been re-watching the Soul Society Arc (I atually fnished it last night-- I love the episode after it with Radio Kon, and Renji and Ichigo fighting in the booth, and then Ichigo storming into Bya's room in the hospital-- his face is priceless. Hitsugaya is also a riot, especially when Renji and Ichigo slowly come up over his shoulders...I never cease to find that amusing) and trying to figure Gin out some more...it's not really working, but oh well. I love when Aizen gets cornered and Gin's just like 'Oi, what a ruckus...' and then he goes to do something and Rangiku grabs him-- he makes the best noise of surprise.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter/part. Pleaaaaaase review!

-Luin


	5. Sad Stories

The Arrancar Encyclopedia on episode 155 made my day.

I. Love. Gin.

That is all.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach... but I wish I did.

* * *

My words to Ulquiorra that day in the control room were actually true, though I doubt he believed me. 

I really _do_ hate sad stories.

It's ironic that my own story is a sad one.

And it's even sadder that the story is not mine alone—it's yours as well.

_The stage opens with a pale, silver-haired orphan boy. He steals his food to survive, lives alone in a small, run down hut. He's always smiling. _

"_Something isn't quite right with him," the villagers murmur as he goes by, loud enough for him to hear, and he has to agree with them. He knows that his smile is false, cold, with an air of maliciousness to it. He goes through he days, wandering wherever he pleases, come "home" whenever the mood strikes him._

_Then his world changes, it's axis tilted at a sloppy angle._

_He finds a blonde girl who is nearly passed out in the middle of a dirt road. _

_In a rare act of compassion, the silver-haired boy offers her some of his food. Even he doesn't know why he does it—he still doesn't. She's hesitant at first, but then her hunger wins her over, she knows she needs the meager bit of substance to survive to see another day._

"_My name's Gin," he tells her, smiling down at her. Unlike his usual grins, this one is sincere. It feels strange on his face._

"_Gin…? That's a weird name…"_

_The boy just continues to smile at her. _

_She comes to live with him, two orphans against the dark and dirty world of Rukongai. Slowly, she brings light into the little shack, and into the boy's life as well._

You know the story, don't you, Rangiku?

_The children grow up together, bicker and fight with each other, more often than not the boy just smiling as she yells at him.They discover physical intimacy and passion together, an eventually become shinigami together. The boy leaves often, but he always comes back to her—she is the reason he makes sure to come back._

_And she always waits for him. _

_She remains cheerful and bubbly, and soon enough, the girl learns to see through his smile, something no one has ever done or even tried to before. She cares for him, and it's nothing like the boy has ever know._

_They both graduate from the Institute, both receiving third seats in separate divisions. The boy becomes a lieutenant soon after, and the girl follows a few years later. Work pulls them away from each other, but they still find time for one another, more often than not between the sheets on his futon._

I still cherish those memories, nights we'd spend sneaking around my small apartment. I lived alone, so we never had to worry about anyone catching us. I remember times I'd come back from the office, tired and annoyed, and find candles lit in my bedroom and you sprawled out on my futon, waiting for me with a sultry smile I like to think you saved only for me.

_The boy changes as the years pass, so does the girl. _

_He grows more cynical, more power hungry, and stronger, drawn to his deceptive captain who shows him his grand vision, his plan for the future. The boy joins him, growing more and more in the direction his captain so desires every day._

_The girl grows stronger too, and jaded by the changes taking place in her childhood friend. She learns to cover it up with drinking and partying with new friends. _

_Friends who do not approve of, nor trust, the silver-haired boy at all._

_He becomes a captain while she remains a lieutenant. He stays close to his former captain, remaining loyal to a fault. The girl and boy grow farther and farther apart, and the he suddenly finds that his futon cold and inexplicably lonely every night of the year. _

My bed is still lonely, Rangiku… I think yours probably is, too. I know you had your reputation, one that I know you encouraged, but I never believed the half of it. All of Seireitei may have known what you looked like on the outside, but I felt that I still knew you better than anyone on the inside. Almost as well as you knew me.

_The girl continues to throw herself into her raucous lifestyle, drinking much and often, though the boy knows she is never as gone as she seems. He watches from afar as she develops a façade of her own. _

_It saddens him. But he says nothing, remaining in the shadows as the plans his former captain made begin to fall into place. _

_They move as if they never knew one another, outwardly ignoring each other as they pass on the streets, though they both feel that inexplicable longing for intimacy lost. He wants to reach out to her, to pull her back into his arms, but he doesn't know what to say. _

_And he worries she wouldn't let him._

I'm positive you wouldn't have. I would have had Haineko around me in a heartbeat, swirling silver ash and the dangerous, throaty growl I used to hear whenever you got angry.

_The boy's captain's plans are enacted and both the girl and the boy are swept up in a whirlwind of events, and for the first time in her life, the girl finds herself in the way of his sword._

_Not on purpose—never on purpose._

I think you could see the fear on my face as I'd realized what was going on. I couldn't withdraw Shinsou, who'd wanted blood so badly. The struggle within me, between my zanpakto and I, was the hardest battle I'd ever fought. He'd seemed positively delighted at the idea of running you through.

That unnerved me.

You threatened to be my opponent, the one thing I'm sure you knew I wouldn't— I _couldn't_—do…of course, it stopped me.

_His sword slid slowly back to him, and the boy and girl meet eyes for the first time in years. There is still something there, between them, something that hasn't been voiced or shown in years—_

Something that will probably always be there, between us.

_—but there is also something new: betrayal._

I will never be able to forget the look in your eyes that I saw that night, standing on top of the 3rd division dojo, your little captain on one side of me, you standing in front of Hinarmori. Haineko had cracked under Shinsou, but you still had your hellcat drawn and waiting. I stood there and stared at you with the slash I'd torn through my own haori flapping about in the wind.

I knew, then, that I'd lost you.

_Grim determination shines in her eyes, a fierce light, but it is lined with a sadness, tears that she refuses to let fall._

You stopped showing your emotions as the years passed, a trait I wonder if you picked up from me. I could see it in your eyes though, the pain I'd caused you, and I could tell you wanted to do nothing more than yell and cry.

But you didn't let yourself.

_The boy stares at her, unsure, then finally turns and leaves, just like he'd been doing for years._

It was then, I think, that you knew I was leaving again.

_More fights are fought, most of them won by the boy and his captain. But then they are cornered, thwarted bytheir former comrades._

_They are cornered._

I can still feel your grip on my wrist when we stood on the Soukyoku hill. It was warm, and firm. Haineko, no longer cracked, was up against my neck.

I could practically feel her purring with satisfaction. Your hellcat was never too fond of me.

I held my breath, and when you applied slight pressure with your sword, dropped Shinsou to the ground. Part of me was worried—was I going to have to fight you? Was Aizen going to destroy you when our ace in the hole finally came?

But the other part of me…that part was quietly elated. I think it was only because you were so near to me, closer than you'd been in almost a century. Your skin was more calloused, but you still felt the same. I almost wished you'd just killed me then.

I would have died happy, if albeit slightly incomplete.

_He makes no effort to escape, telling his captain lightly that he's been caught. His captain forgives him._

_Then the light comes down. _

_Huge, golden beams erupt from the sky, capturing the boy, his captain, and their blind comrade. Her grip falters and she jumps away as he is engulfed in light. _

You knew then, more than you did the night I'd almost run you through with Shinsou that I was leaving. And I think it was then, too, engulfed in negacion, that you figured out I wouldn't be coming back this time.

Not alive, at least.

I turned back as you let go of my arm, and for the first time in my long life, I smiled sadly.

"_I wouldn't'a minded bein' bound a lil' while longer…See you, Rangiku…_Sorry_."_

That was the first—and only—time I'd ever said good-bye to you.

It was also the first time I'd ever apologized—for _anything_—in my life.

_She knows for certain he is never coming back._

I remember looking down at you as I rose, slowly into the sky, and I realized how much I'd missed you—and then how much I was going to miss you, for the rest of my life, however long it was.

Hueco Mundo is the same as it was when we first arrived here, I think the only things that have changed are the Espada, but since those change almost daily they don't really count, and my longing for you. It just grows stronger. Even just a glimpse of your face or mention of your names at our daily meetings can make my heart start to beat faster…

If this isn't a 'sad story', I don't know what it is.

I suspect eventually it will be a tragedy.

* * *

This isn't my favorite one, but meh...I wanted to try something a little different than usual. 

Please review!

-Luin


	6. Jealousy

The first time I was ever jealous of another man was when you came into my office one day, raving about some little white haired boy you'd met that day in the market.

It wasn't even a _man_ I was jealous of, it was a _boy_. Little did either of us know that the he would eventually become your grumpy, overly protective, observant little captain.

The shop-keeper had been trying to steal the change the boy was owed, you said as you flopped down into a chair across from me, and you'd immediately jumped in. It amused me, as much as you hated being rescued, you were so quick to do so for others.

"It was crazy, Gin," you said breathlessly, "I couldn't believe it. The air around him, when I spoke to him was almost…cold." You shivered involuntarily, which made me glance up from the documents I'd been signing. Aizen was gone, off at some meeting or another. The office was silent, peacefully quiet.

At least, it had been till you'd come in with your stories of the little white-haired boy.

I wasn't annoyed that you'd come in and were chattering, I just smiled and continued my work. It wasn't often we saw each other; after I'd been promoted to fukutaicho, I worked late and often.

I also spent more and more time with Aizen, behind locked and spelled doors, listening to his plans for the future of Soul Society and for himself. I was fascinated, captivated by him very early on. But you didn't know that.

You never did, till it was far too late.

"I'm almost worried about him. It's too much power for such a young kid who doesn't know what to do with it," you said after a moment of silence. You'd been thinking, deeply, I could tell by the way you'd been biting your bottom lip.

I raised my head, furrowing my brow. "Why don' ya' go talk to him? Tell 'im to apply to the Institute."

You thought about that, tilting you head slightly. "I think I will."

You tried searching for his reiatsu right then, but gave up after a few minutes, disgruntled. You couldn't get a hold on it, and your frustration showed clearly on your face.

Aizen taicho walked into the office then. He smiled pleasantly at you, his mask on, just as mine usually was.

"Matsumoto-san," he said as she set the folder he'd been carrying down on his desk. "What a nice surprise."

You straightened up then, smiling at my captain. As far as I ever knew, you liked Aizen, at least until we'd packed off to Hueco Mundo. "Aizen taicho."

"What brings you here?" he asked you good naturedly as he went about making tea for himself. Even then—even now, in a dry, desert wasteland—wherever Aizen is, tea soon follows. It almost unnatural, how much he likes the drink. But then again, you are a sake fanatic in the same manner, so I guess you'd understand.

"I met a little boy in Rukongai today," you told him, "with an immense reiatsu."

You didn't notice Aizen perk up at that. But I did; his eyes flashed darkly. He was forever looking for those he could use. "Oh?"

You nodded. "I'm worried, I don't think he knows it's there, or how strong it is. It was leaking _everywhere_." You shivered again and then looked back at me, then back to Aizen. "Gin suggests I go and find him again, tell him he should apply to The Central Spirit Institute."

Aizen looked at me, appraisal in his eyes.

Honestly, I was not advising you to go find the boy for Aizen. I just didn't like seeing you in distress.

"That sounds like a very good idea," Aizen said. "Have you a grasp on his reiatsu?"

You shook your head. "Not yet, but I'm trying."

Aizen seemed pleased, and he smiled at you, his eyes flashing once towards me, before he began to sift through the mass of paperwork on his desk.

It wasn't till later in the afternoon, when I had snuck over to you during my lunch break, that you found him. I'd soon come to realize that your little taicho had a knack for interrupting us, in all manner of the sense. I'd had you up against the wall of your rooms, pinned between my arms, doing awfully seductive things to your neck with my mouth when suddenly, you gasped and pushed me away.

I'd blinked, my eyes shooting open. Your pale blue met my ice blue and you smiled widely. "I found him!" you said, and it took me a moment to comprehend what you were talking about.

"Oh," I said rather lamely. "Go find 'im, then."

I think you were too excited to note the frustrated tone that had crept into my voice, because you flashed away immediately. Later that night, we lay spent side-by-side on your futon, finally finishing what we'd started before you'd rushed off.

Sleep was beginning to wash over me when you spoke: "I think he's going to apply."

I did not sigh, or groan in annoyance, but I felt like it. You hadn't been able to stop speaking about your white-haired wonder-child since you'd found him that afternoon.

"Good," I whispered, rolling over and drawing you close to me. Even the I know I didn't really mean it.

A few months passed before you mentioned him again. You'd seen him at the Institute, and were positively thrilled. I _still_ have yet to understand your fascination with your captain.

You weren't aware, but I knew who he was. He'd been discussed at official meetings, as well as unofficial meetings that occurred with Aizen. Your little captain was strong, stronger than most ranked shinigami already, and smart. Seireitei was ready for his captaincy exam, before he'd even graduated.

Hitsugaya Toushiro, we all knew, was destined for great things.

I saw him for the first time in your company. I think you'd been checking in on him every now and then, and I slipped out one day with you to do. It helped that I'd been ordered to do so by my taicho; it made me feel less like I was going along to scope out this boy who was slowly stealing you form me, whether either of you knew it or not.

He was easy to pick out in the crowd of students, despite his short stature. The power that radiated from him was impossible to ignore.

"Hitsugaya-kun!" you called out, your voice a trill, waving enthusiastically at him.

His face when he saw you was priceless; a nearly comical look of raw annoyance.

"What do you want?" he asked as you drew level with him. I followed a few steps behind you.

"Just checking up!" you said happily.

He looked, if possible, more annoyed. He opened his mouth to shoot a retort at you, but it was then that he noticed me.

Like your hellcat, your captain wasn't fond of me from the beginning. I could feel his aquamarine eyes scanning me, up and down. I just smiled at him, and his eyes narrowed at me.

You noticed the direction of his gaze and promptly introduced me.

"Hitsugaya, this is Ichimaru fukutaicho."

He didn't seem very impressed.

"Yo, Hitsugaya-kun," I said easily. His eyes narrowed once more.

He distrusted me from that moment on. I think he could see through my grin to the malicious side of me right off. I could feel the air around me grow colder as he glared.

You fawned over him then, before he'd responded to me, and his annoyance returned once more. He blushed profusely when you hugged him goodbye, trying his best to squeeze his way out of your vice-like grip, stuttering angrily. Watching you bother him was funny, and I told you so when we left.

"Why so funny?" you demanded.

"I think he's got a crush on ya', Ran-chan," I said. It wouldn't be all that surprising. Half of Seireitei had some sot of crush on you.

You laughed dismissively.

I reported to Aizen later that day that Hitsugaya would not able to be of use to him. He seemed disappointed, but I could tell he still held out some shred of hope.

The next time I saw him was when he was appointed to be your captain. His eyes still bored into me like ice, fixing me with a cold, cold glare. I only smiled at him. We'd grown apart in the time that had passed since I'd first met the boy.

I think that was one of the reasons you are so loyal to him. He was there for you when I was not, just as he is now.

I don't know if you harbor feelings for your taicho, I think you enjoy patronizing him more than anything, but I'm not positive. It wouldn't surprise me. He's everything I'm not, really. On the opposite pole from where I stand in almost everything— the one thing I think we share is our desire to keep you safe.

The most striking difference between the two of us now is relatively simple: he's there, with you now, wherever it is you are.

That is reason alone to make me jealous.

* * *

This one took a while for me to do, but I think it turned out nicely. 

The next chapter involves some more of my favorite crack paring, and a very cranky kitty. Hopefully, that is something to look forward too.

I also want to say thanks to all the reviews and alerts and favorites I've been getting for this fic-- I wasn't expecting _any_ of it.

You guys are warming my cold, Minnesotan-self :)

As always, please review!

-Luin


	7. Fuyu no Hanabi

So here is another installment. I'm back in Boston, back to school tomorrow, so updates will slow down a lot, especially with 'Lilies'...chapter 10 is slowwwwly making its way into being. Anyways, here is my own take on the winter fireworks... :)

* * *

"You're like the winter, Gin."

I blinked when you spoke, not comprehending a word you said except my name, which is what drew me from my studies. "Hm?"

We sat in the library, it must have been two or three in the morning, up to our noses in books and notes. Final exams were coming up, due to start in a few days. Students were everywhere, some wrapped in blankets, some mumbling softly to themselves. Some were asleep, their heads down on the large, dusty tomes open in front of them. A large book of Kido lay open before me, and I was marking spells with my pen.

You'd been growing restless for sometime—we'd been there nearly the whole day—and had started to just leaf through books aimlessly, looking for interesting pictures or spells, or anything to keep you entertained.

You repeated yourself.

I raised an eyebrow, a slightly disappointed look on my face, just for you. "What, cold and harsh? That's not real nice, Ran-chan," I said, and you laughed softly.

Your laugh was musical, it bounced off objects in the most miraculous of manners, no matter how loud or soft it was, and it seemed to infect everyone around you.

I was addicted to it, just as I was to the rest of you.

You shook your head, "No…" You seemed to think about it a little bit more, then said:

"More pale and swift. You're cold when you want to be," you acknowledged, "but you're not always harsh. You're graceful, like falling snow… and lonely," you added, almost as an afterthought.

"I'm not all _that_ lonely," I said with a rather feral grin at you.

No besides you has ever seen that grin.

You rolled your eyes, but there was a slight tinge to your cheeks. "You know what I mean."

I laughed lightly, shaking my head and returning to my book.

I couldn't help thinking though, if I was like the winter—what were you like?

There were many things I acquainted you with, things ranging from warmth to fiery-passion to deadly accuracy with a sword. You were many things to me as well.

You were the one who understood me, the only person who could truly read my face.

You knew my moods and emotions, my habits and pet peeves.

You were the bright light that kept me going, the beacon that brought me home.

You were wild as fire, beautiful and passionate.

You were strong, erotic, wild, carefree, intelligent…

And you were mine.

It took me some time before I finally decided what it was you were.

"So I'm like th' winter?" I asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over us.

You looked up and smiled slightly. "Yep."

"Then you're like a firework, Rangiku."

"Loud?" you grinned.

I shook my head. "Beautiful and bright, sometimes unexpected…and deadly."

You couldn't seem to think of anything to say to that, and you just smiled softly while I watched you. Apparently, you hadn't expected that, not from me. I told you that you were beautiful often, sometimes when we'd walk down the streets and the sun would catch in your golden hair, or when we were making love on my futon.

You always smiled and laughed softly at me whenever I told you that you were beautiful.

We packed up and left the library an hour later, both of us tired and exhausted. You crawled in bed with me, wrapping your arms around my chest and burying your face into my neck. I think that was the one time and place I was ever completely at ease, when I'd lay with you in my arms.

I began to drift off, my lids growing heavy, and I turned my neck, resting a cheek on the top of your head.

"You know what I like, Gin?" you said into the darkness.

"Mm?"

I could feel you smiling against my neck, and your voice came out a throaty whisper, your breath caressing my skin.

"Winter fireworks."

* * *

Please review!

And check my profile page for further updates/progress reports.

-Luin


	8. Count The Days

I know this is a lot longer than the other one-shots, but I don't think I'll get many complaints about it. I really liked this one, I think it's one of my favorites. My favorite crack pairing comes back :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...but I wish I did.

* * *

It's your birthday today.

I sit here, in my blank white room, laying on a bed that is anything but comfortable, thinking about the day I gave you a birthday, and I remember something.

You told me that you never started counting days until you'd met me.

It was the exact opposite for me, Rangiku. I stopped counting, and simply focused on living when I met you. Your birthday marks a special day for me as well.

The day I met you, tired and hungry on that dirt road, was the day my life really began. I had a purpose, a reason to come home again. I felt like I didn't need anything in the world—anything, except you.

It doesn't take me long to realize I can't sit in my room and do nothing, not today.

Today is going to be the hardest day of them all.

I get up, sliding my legs off the bed first then onto the floor. It's more effort than it usually is.

I had declined Aizen's offer to play with the hallways today and I hope, as I leave my room, that they haven't let someone like Wonderwice or Nnoitra take control of them. Wonderwice would simply have no clue what he's doing, and Nnoitra would shift the pathways constantly so no one would ever get out. He really is a sick creature, and far to chauvinistic for my tastes.

His rope with Aizen has been short ever since he forced Nel Tu from Las Noches. I don't know if Aizen was ever really okay with losing such a powerful warrior over Nnoitra's petty battle.

Thankfully I find my way out of the castle main just fine. I have a destination by the time I reach the end of the main corridor, and slip through a hidden door, climbing the steps it reveals with ease. The staircase is long, but I don't mind. The monotonous walk is a break from the rest of the monotony here.

I don't understand why Aizen insists on having meetings everyday with the Espada. They only discuss the same things: the state of the Hougyoku, the state of the prisoner Inoue Orihime, the amount of preparation Soul Society now has… really, all of that can't change all that much in twenty-four hours, but Aizen insists on the meetings.

And since Aizen's the big boss, we all listen.

I reach the top of the staircase and stroke a single finger across the door at the end of the stairs. It quivers for a moment before it recognizes my reiatsu, and then it slides silently open. Aizen likes to keep a tight leash on his subordinates here. Only a select few of us are allowed in certain areas, the large, rooftop balcony I now stand on being one of them.

It doesn't take me long to notice I'm not the only one seeking refuge up here.

Tucking my hands into the sleeves of my stark white robes, placing my customary smiling mask on, I walk silently over to the white-clad figure draped along the waist high wall that lines the balcony.

Everything about his posture is feline. His back is against a portion of the tower that rises from the castle below, he looks as if he's half-laying, half-sitting, with one knee drawn up to his chest. The other leg hangs off the side of the wall, dropping down into the air below. One arm—his new arm—rests on top of his raised knee. He looks relaxed, almost lazy, but I know every muscle is taut, ready to spring into action at even a hint of a threat or a battle.

Positively feline.

Grimmjow lets me get within ten feet of him before he growls at me. It's a low, rumbling thunder, so unlike the seductive purr of your hellcat.

"Oh," I croon, "aren' we th' cranky kitty today."

I know that will annoy him.

He turns his head to face me, his blue eyes narrowed dangerously. Power radiates from him, not that it fazes me, but it's there, a constant pressure that tickles my skin.

"'The hell you want, Fox-Face?"

Grimmjow's temper has been rather short lately. Shorter than usual—which is saying a lot.

I think it was maybe four days ago, during one of our ridiculous daily meetings, when we all felt it. A huge surge of reiatsu no one had been expecting—even Aizen paused mid-sentence. Slowly, as the reiatsu faded, Nnoitra began to snicker.

Aizen had raised his eyebrows. "What, may I ask, is so amusing, Nnoitra?"

Nnoitra smirked. "Surely you felt that, Aizen-sama. It was our dearly departed Nel Tu." He snickered again, "Maybe she was eaten by something." He sounded hopeful.

Before Aizen could respond to the off-color, though typical, comment, Grimmjow had risen from his seat. His fists were shaking and we could all feel the harsh, twisting reiatsu he emanated. I don't think I'd ever seen him look so angry. My grin slipped off my face as he slowly brought his eyes up to Nnoitra's face.

"You're a fuckin' bastard, you know that?" he growled, the air around him crackling.

Nnoitra just laughed—which is when, with movements so quick they were hard for even me to track—Grimmjow took his cup of tea and threw it's contents across the table, effectively drenching Nnoitra.

"Grimmjow," Aizen's low voice said. Nnoitra had been about to stand as well, prepared to take down the aqua-haired arrancar across from him, but he stopped when Aizen spoke. The savage grin on his face said he thought that Grimmjow was going to get punished again.

Grimmjow turned his murderous gaze to the man at the head of the table. There was fear in his eyes now though as well; he remembered what had happened last time he'd angered Aizen.

Much to everyone's surprise—and my amusement—Aizen smiled slowly. "Please, sit back down."

Grimmjow did slowly, and he quickly replaced the look of surprise that had appeared on his face with his typical scowl.

"Nnoitra," Aizen said next, his gaze sliding over to the tea-drenched espada, his tone steely. "Go take care of yourself."

Nnoitra was, most effectively, dismissed.

"It's nothing Aizen-sama, I can—"

"Now."

Nnoitra left.

Grimmjow had been in an awful temper ever since. Not that I blame him, really. I don't thin even I can fathom how angry I'd be if someone did to you what Nnoitra did to Nel Tu.

I feel like it would involve a lot of blood.

Grimmjow most definitely wants blood, but he's been strictly forbidden to get it.

His eyes watch me, his head tilted back almost lazily. But his eyes are shrewd, as only cat eyes can be.

"Just comin' ta' enjoy the fresh air," I tell him, continuing to smile.

"Tch," he scoffs, turning his head back to face the sprawling white sands of Hueco Mundo.

I feel like I have a pretty good idea as to what he is doing out here.

"Lookin' for Nel Tu-sama?" I ask.

His posture stiffens immediately at that, and I can practically feel his claws at my throat as the air thickens with his reiatsu. Clearly, I am right.

It occurs to me now, up on a balcony in this white, sand filled hell, that Grimmjow and I are quite similar.

Not in the ways of attitude or actions; Grimmjow is the most violent, openly emotional, and rash being I've ever known. I like to think I make my decisions carefully and precisely, hiding every emotion that runs through my body behind my grin.

I am thinking more along the lines of situation.

"Why don' ya go'n get her?" I ask him. He doesn't look at me, so I continue. "Or go wit' her, I won't tell."

Both were things I wanted to do desperately. Ever since I'd arrive here, I'd dreamt of slipping off through the garganta, back to Seireitei, back to you… I know I'd never make it, but it was nice to dream.

Grimmjow looks at me then, and for once his face is utterly emotionless. I know I've surprised him. There is a hint of mistrust in his eyes though, which doesn't surprise me.

Really, I don't think I've ever given anyone in my life—even you, Rangiku—reason to trust me.

"What do you want, Ichimaru," he asks again, his voice less of a growl and more a resigned sigh.

I shrug. "Not'in. I told ya, jus' the fresh air."

He stares at me for some time, I can feel his gaze sliding over me like liquid. He tries to figure out my intentions, the hidden agenda he thinks I have.

Really, I have no goal in mind with him, other than to just annoy him.

If there is anything to keep my mind from you and the day we met, it is the temperamental feline before me. I know I can keep him at bay if he decides to lash out at me.

"I don't believe you," he says after a moment.

"Why should ya'?" I ask.

I spoke before I'd realized it, further proof I am falling apart in this wasteland. My tone was almost bitter. Very rarely do I let emotion show through my voice—it happens less often than emotion showing on my face.

Grimmjow's eyes snap back to me. He's noticed the slip up in my façade.

He grins, slowly, his sharp teeth glinting. I immediately replace my grin, trying to appear nonchalant, but he keeps smiling, and it's not really a kind smile either.

"You're not as good a liar as you think you are," he says after a moment, his grin still sharp.

This, I knew. I'd been slipping out of my mask more and more as the days dragged on.

It only figures Grimmjow would be the one to figure it out. He really is brighter than he gets credit for.

"What're you really doin' up here, Fox-Face?"

I stare at him, weighing a variety of responses on my tongue. After some time, I settle on one: the truth.

"The same thing yer' doin'," I reply quietly. "Wishin' I could go ta' her."

Grimmjow isn't quite sure what to make of that.

I don't think he expected any reply from me, let alone one that was so obviously the truth. I slide my eyes open, my ice-blue meeting his turquoise, and slowly, we seem to size each other up.

There is no expression on his face as he tries to read me. It not that surprising, it's something only you have ever been able to do.

He doesn't ask me about you, who you are or anything like that. He just stares. I think he was finding it strange we had more in common than we'd originally thought, as well.

Eventually he sighs, an uncharacteristic action, and turns his head back to the white sand. We sit in silence. I have no idea what is running through the mind of the sexta espada, but my own is a jumble of mixed emotions and blaring warnings that I was showing Grimmjow too much of the truth.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" he says after what has to have been a few minutes.

I open my eyes once more, staring at the back of his blue-haired head. Slowly, I smile.

It's a sad, melancholy smile that has been finding it's way onto my face more and more these days.

"Like nothin' I've ever known."

We don't say anything else after that. We stand in what could almost be called a companionable silence.

I start to count the stars in the sky, and I realize I have a confession to make, Rangiku:

I've started counting the days again.

* * *

Please reivew!!! I know Grimm was a little OC, but I get the feeling he's pretty complex too, with his weird sense of honor and stuff (y'know, when he brings 'Hime to heal Ichigo before they fight in Hueco Mundo... whatever happened to Grimm anyways? He just sort of got pwnd and then disappeared... poor guy...).

If you read 'Lilies', check out the poll on my profile! I've just discovered the polls, and I had fun with it :)

--Luin


	9. Ash Cat

You guys are lucky I couldn't fall asleep.

* * *

I realized that you'd be coming with me to Seireitei, to the Central Spirit Institute, when you complained to me one day that there was something growling in your head.

I'd never heard growling in my head—but it didn't surprise me. I knew it was different for everyone. Instead I heard a silky, suggestive voice that promised infinite power.

I recall one night, a particularly dreary, cold winter night when I rolled over in bed, throwing an arm out to pull you closer to me, only to find empty space, and the place where you should have been cold.

I sat up immediately, my bright eyes scanning the interior of our little shack, lit only by the dying embers of our sad fire. You weren't there. The door, however, was opened ever so slightly.

I stood, throwing an old kimono on and tying the sash hastily before I slipped into the pair of geta I'd stolen from a farm years before and stepped out into the calm winter air.

You sat with your back to me on our little porch, your knees drawn up to your chest.

I said nothing, only sat beside you. I could tell you wouldn't speak to me, not yet, if I'd asked you what you were doing out in the cold, so I just waited. I was slightly unnerved by your silence, but most of all by your vulnerability.

You were many things, Rangiku, but vulnerable was never one of them—never, except on that one, cold, winter night.

"I saw it," you said finally, softly.

I raised an eyebrow. "Saw what, Rangiku?"

"The cat," you replied simply.

_The cat_.

I knew immediately what you were talking about. "In your sleep?"

You shook your head and shivered. "No. I rolled over in bed, and it was right there—standing over me. I looked at it, and it said something to me, but I couldn't understand it. I tried to say something, but it ran out here," you finished by waving a hand around, gesturing to the outside world around us. "Then she disappeared."

I wasn't surprised your cat was feminine. For some reason, I knew it would be a sultry, beast—a hellcat, just like you.

I looked at you, my eyes sliding open a bit more than usual so that when you looked at me you smiled slightly and raised a hand to my face.

You always said you loved the color of my eyes.

I snaked an arm around you, drawing your into my arms to try and stop your feeble shivering. It in no way surprised me you'd rushed outside with nothing more than a yukata on, even in the winter

"She'll be back," I said against your hair. I could still feel traces of the power your cat had left behind. It was powerful, more so than I thought it would be, and almost sensual. I realized then that it fit you nearly perfectly.

You fell asleep, wrapped in my arms, soon after. I stood up, lifting you easily into my arms and carried you back inside, where I tucked us both back into bed.

Your cat came back a few weeks later.

Snow had just fallen, mountains of it, and it was still falling as I traipsed around our hut, calling your name. You'd disappeared outside almost an hour before, wearing nothing more than a yukata, and I figured you were either frozen solid, or something much worse. You had a strange affinity for the snow, something I didn't question, but when you were gone for long periods of time in it, I couldn't help growing anxious, the protective side of me kicking in.

The moment I rounded a corner that led to a small cave, I felt it: I huge surge of reiatsu, mixing and moving so that it shook the things that surrounded it—it was_yours_.

I panicked at first, trying to call up my own power, but yours was overwhelming, and I couldn't seem to grasp my own flame deep within my soul. I took slow, careful steps past the mouth of the cave, and that's when I saw it. That's when I saw _you_— except it almost wasn't you. You were _different_.

You were sitting on a rock, framed by the dark dirty cavern wall and your own golden hair. Your entire body seemed to be alight, shining silver with flecks of gold. You were smiling down at something, and it didn't take me long to spot what it was that held your attention.

A massive cat resembling a tiger, almost as tall as you when it stood on four legs, was pacing back and forth before you, leaking reiatsu as it moved. I almost called for you, yelled for you to get to safety, before I realized the power it was leaking was _yours_. It was a golden beast, with dark gray markings around its fearsome face.

I realized that the cave was shaking so fiercely because your beast was _purring_.

I don't think I'll ever forget the sight, or the feeling, or your fully released power. Every bone in my body was shaking as I inched closer, and I froze in place when your cat suddenly turned it's head and looked my way.

The purring stopped immediately, replaced by a low, rumbling growl. Something about it was sensuous, but it reeked of power.

You noticed me then, and you smiled slowly.

"She came back," you told me. You sounded proud of yourself.

"Aa, I can see that," I said, my voice shaking. That caught your attention and you pursed your lips.

"Gin?"

Your cat was advancing on me slowly. I don't know what it was, but she didn't like me.

Maybe she knew that, one day, I would leave you, that I would betray you. Maybe it was just my scent. I've never figured it out, and since that day your cat has wanted my blood. I wonder if you've ever figured it out; I admit, I'd be fascinated to find out.

"Call her off, Ran-chan," I said softly, my eyes now wide open as I watched your hellcat begin stalk me.

It was the first time I was ever truly afraid for my life. Your cat's eyes spoke only of murder as it stared at me.

Your eyes narrowed with concentration and I could see your power flooding from you. Your cat stopped in its tracks as you called out to it and it turned to you. The growling ceased as well, and I felt myself relax slightly, but not completely: my own power was screaming to get out, and every muscle in my body was taut, reading to spring into action if I needed to.

I watched as you stepped down from the rock and padded over to the massive manifestation of your power. Even you seemed slightly wary, but it shown only in your eyes; your stride, as it always was, was confident. You stopped in front of the beast, your head held high and you raised your arm, slowly as if you were unsure how exactly to call the hellcat back to you. You tried what any person would do to calm a kitten, and scratched it behind its ear.

The purring began once more, and the cat nuzzled its head against you. You whispered something, what I couldn't hear, but the hellcat soon began to shimmer and then fade away, it's power returned to you. Before it disappeared completely, it turned and faced me once more, it's eyes hard: it seemed to say '_I'll be watching you_'.

I shivered involuntarily as it faded, and I relaxed only when it had disappeared from my sight, back to you.

I looked at you then, and you were suddenly someone I felt like I didn't know: you stood a little straighter, your eyes seemed to shine a little brighter, and you seemed so much more _powerful_.

You smiled at me, a coy, proud smile. You knew what you'd done, what you'd just achieved.

We packed up and left our hut the next morning.

Our destination was The Central Spirit Institute.

* * *

I liked this one, too

Please review, especially if you favorite or alert this story. Also, check my profile for the updates/news! I'm too tired to retype them here!

--Luin


	10. Reason

So here is another part of 'Reminiscence'. MatsuMama said she wanted some reason for why Gin is nice or why he is staying in Hueco Mundo if he feels all these things I say he's feeling...so I tried.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach... but I wish I did.

* * *

It would be a complete lie to tell you I don't crave power, that I don't relish the feel of it beneath my fingertips. 

It would be blasphemy for me to say I don't like to be the one to twist the knife or the one to deliver the unseen, unexpected turn in someone's fate.

I wonder if it's ever occurred to you, Rangiku, that that is what I am sitting here in Hueco Mundo for—what I'm waiting to do: to turn Aizen's world upside down.

I don't expect you to believe me, because really, why should you?

I won't lie and tell you that I don't have respect for the man, that I'm not in awe of his carefully crafted plans and goals, but I also won't tell you that I _like_ him.

Considering the only person I've ever liked in my lifetime has been you, Rangiku, that, at least, shouldn't surprise you.

I suppose I liked Aizen at one point, when I first became his fukutaicho, but he crossed a line with me a few years after that: he thought he had complete and utter control over me.

It didn't take me long to figure out that Aizen was making me a permanent fixture in his plans; he was forever asking me my opinion on who he could use, ordering me to perform menial tasks related to his grand scheme that he didn't think himself worthy of doing.

I can't say I understand why he thought he had full reign over me, maybe it was the fact I was his fukutaicho, or that he seemed to know the depth of my hunger for power. Not even you could control me, though I know you tried, so only God knows why Aizen thought he could. He assumed he _had_ me... and we all know what happens when you assume things.

So I am lying in wait, if you will. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to let Aizen Sosuke know that no, he _doesn't_ have me, and it was his greatest mistake in thinking so.

There is, actually, one other reason I'm sitting here, one that is probably the most important to me:

To protect you.

I know if I'm here, I can make sure no harm will be aimed directly at you. I know I can't keep you out of the cross-fire—I never could, and you'd never let me—but I'll be able to make sure you're not a target. Aizen isn't the only one who is sly and capable of using others to achieve his own means.

Take Luppi, for example.

I was less than thrilled with him and his actions towards you that day in Karakura Town. Who do you think placed the idea that the girl Orihime should heal Grimmjow's arm as demonstration of her powers? Who do you think planted the notion in Grimmjow's mind that she should heal his scarred Espada tattoo?

I knew he'd kill Luppi.

I was counting on it.

It's possible Aizen knew what I was doing when I'd claimed I didn't believe in the girl's powers and suggested to do something drastic, like bring back Grimmjow's non-existent arm, but he didn't seem to care.

The more I think about it, I think I want you to come here. You'll be angry, I know. But when they finally figure out that I'm here the throw the wrench in their beloved Aizen-sama's plans and that I've been protecting you from this castle the whole time... they'll kill me.

If I'm going to die—which I know I will, by the time this war is over—I'd like you to be the one holding the sword, Rangiku.

Morbid though it may be, it's the only way I'd go willingly and peacefully. Saying you deserve to kill me sounds strange as well, but you're the only one who's ever had any hold on my life, and with the pain I've caused you…it only seems right that you're the one to take it away.

I wonder if you could, though… you may be mad at me, but murderously so?

I've been leaving you behind for centuries, and while this case is slightly different than all those times back in our little shack, I don't know if you'd take it that way.

I think, instead of being murderous, you might just be sad. Disappointed. Frustrated. Angry, certainly, but enough to kill me?

I don't think so.

But then again, you've been surprising me since the day I met you.

I guess I'll never really know until you show up here, you're ash-cat swirling around you like silvery sand.

I know the look that will be on your face, the words that your beautiful, blue eyes will be speaking to me:

'_Why, Gin_?'

I only hope you'll listen…

* * *

Plllleeaaassse give me feed back on this one... I am desperate for opinions :/ I have a couple different ideas of theories of how Gin could still be 'good', and I'm hoping to try and shed light on some of them. I don't know how well that was done here, though... 

Now...REVIEW!

Also, take the new poll!

And for a more in-depth update, check my profile page :3

-Luin


	11. Questions I Can't Answer

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...but I wish I did.

* * *

You cornered me in the months preceding my departure from Seireitei. I was alone in my office, doing nothing in particular with my feet up on my wooden desk, when you stormed in. 

I could tell right away that you were angry.

Your eyes were hard, cold, and your mouth was set in a thin line. Your reiatsu crackled around you in a violent manner.

"Rangiku," I said conversationally, masking my surprise. You hadn't really spoken to me, let alone come to visit me, in years. "Ta' what do I owe th' pleasure?"

You strode forward, stopped before my desk, and placed your palms down on the flat surface. I'd lowered my feet when you were walking forward, and I looked at you now, almost confusedly.

"Ichimaru taicho," you nearly spat.

If I couldn't tell before, now I knew for sure you were angry with me. You had only ever referred to me as 'Ichimaru taicho' in public.

We were completely alone.

"Aa?" I asked conversationally, raising an eyebrow.

You cut right to the chase.

"What are you _doing_ to Kira-kun."

It was not a question.

I blinked, very slightly, and then narrowed my eyes more than usual.

The gestures were small-- _miniscule_-- but I know that you noticed. You titled your head in acknowledgement of the movements. There was a satisfied gleam in your eyes; you knew you were on to something.

To be honest, I wasn't surprised.

The changes my fukutaicho was going through were becoming more and more noticeable as time passed. I told Aizen it would happen, but, not surprisingly, he wouldn't listen to me.

I wanted to tell you that _I_ was doing nothing to Kira; really, it was all Aizen. I don't know the details of it, but Aizen kept a spell on the boy with Kyoka Suigetsu. I never asked, because in all honesty, I didn't want to know. I doubt that even Aizen understands the depth of his cruelty, and I was certain whatever he was doing to Kira went well past 'cruel'.

Even I have my limits. I'm certain that whatever magic Aizen was working on Kira would leave a sour taste in my mouth.

I wasn't particularly attached to my fukutaicho, not that anyone would've ever known, so I can't say it saddened me to think of what was happening to Kira. But I had no desire to know, in case I suddenly decided to grow a conscience.

I never really had anything resembling a conscience, except when it came to you.

Aizen believed it was crucial to keep a front up when it came to Kira, convinced it would keep his loyalty to me.

Nothing against Kira, really he means well when he isn't brainwashed, but he is _incredibly_ easy to manipulate.

Yachiru could have done it.

It was the sole reason Aizen had him placed as my fukutaicho. Part of me almost felt bad for the kid. All he wanted to do was make his noble family proud and serve his squad. Which he did…in a sense.

I couldn't tell you any of this, however.

I knew I was going to have to take the blame, try and assure you I wasn't doing anything while making it apparent I was lying.

If there is one thing I hate doing, it is lying to you, Rangiku. I never truly did it outright until that day.

Apparently, my luck had run out.

You were friends with Kira, this I knew. Aizen often used him to report on your group of companions, something that I tended to frown upon. I wanted to keep Aizen as far away from you as possible.

"Izuru?" I asked. "What d'ya mean?"

If you'd been anyone else, you would have been convinced I was confused by the question. But you were you, and you didn't believe me for a second.

Your eyes narrowed, and you looked more dangerous than I'd ever seen you. You were still beautiful, even then, when I could practically feel your blade at my throat the way your reiatsu was crackling around your body.

"Exactly what I said," you responded, your voice a near-deadly whisper.

I let out a sigh. "I ain't doin' nothin' to Izuru, 'cept for makin' him do paperwork," I replied, "Jus' like any taicho."

"Don't try and be funny, Gin," you retorted.

It was nice hearing my name from your lips for the first time in a long time. Though I wished the circumstances had been different.

"I'm not," I replied, my voice taking on a harder edge.

You drew back slightly at my words. I'd never used that tone with you.

I may not have liked lying to you, but I was an accomplished liar in every possible way, so I knew I could do it. It wouldn't be the easiest thing for me to do, but it was necessary.

Both for my protection, and yours as well.

I knew I was going to have to play the part of sadist with you now. In order for me to follow through with my _own_ plans in regards to Aizen, I knew that at this point, I would have to push what ever was left of our past relationship over the edge. And then I'd have to watch it smash into pieces right before my eyes.

I'd known I was going to have to do it at some point, but really, I would have liked some warning.

"I'm not doin' a _thing_ to my fukutaicho," I said, leaning forward onto my desk and standing, my hands closer to yours than they'd been in almost a century.

I stood above you now, and stared down at you through slitted eyes.

Your gaze faltered slightly, but you were determined.

"Don't try and lie, Gin," you growled, "in case you haven't forgotten, I can read your mask."

You spat the last word out, and I nearly winced.

"You think I would forget somethin' like that, Ran-chan?" I purred. "I ain't forgotten _nothin'_."

You recoiled slightly at both my tone and my words.

You knew what I'd implied: the nights we spent in each others arms, the days we did nothing but lay in the sand behind out little hut, the afternoons we'd go into the village and steal food, the mornings that you'd wake up in my bed…

It had been my intention.

Your eyes grew wide, but you returned to glaring at me soon after. "You're breaking him, Gin," you said. "Destroying him, little by little._Why_?"

I felt that there was so much behind that single word.

'_Why_'.

I opened my eyes, fully and truly opened them. You stared straight at me.

I wished I could tell you.

"Do ya' even have to ask that, Ran-chan?" I said quietly.

It was part of the façade, part of the charade I'd been playing so well since I first began following Aizen.

_Cold_. _Power_ _hungry_._Sadistic_. _Uncaring_. _Manipulative_.

It wasn't all together untrue.

I could see the wheels turn in your head, and the realization on your face. You didn't want to believe it, you never had.

But it all was too apparent now.

"Why?" you asked again. Your voice was a whisper now. You were almost breathless, and there was desperation in your tone.

I leaned forward, edging closer to you, so close our noses were almost touching. I could feel your breath, shallow exhales, on my face.

"Why not?"

It flowed so smoothly off my tongue, so _perfectly_ in character.

Your face contorted, almost as if you were in pain, and you reeled back from my desk.

Almost in slow motion then, your face set once more.

I saw it coming, but I did nothing to stop you.

You brought your hand up, and then fiercely dragged it across my cheek in a slap that was laced with your violent reiatsu. I winced, but nothing more. I didn't grab your hand, or fight back, nor did I reprimand you for hitting your superior.

It was the least I could give you, the satisfaction of slapping me… the look on your face, though, was more pained than satisfied.

It only wrenched whatever was left of my heart.

"You are a _bastard_, Ichimaru Gin."

Your voice was a low rumble. I could almost hear Haineko purring in delight, hoping you would draw her against me.

I almost sighed. It was nothing I didn't know.

"I can't believe you, Gin," you said, your hands now clenched into fists at your sides. You'd backed away from my desk after you'd hit me, and you stood a few feet in front of it.

I looked at you, my eyes open, and cocked my head slightly.

My words came out a whisper, and my tone was…almost melancholy.

"Can't you?"

I'd been leaving behind forever, Rangiku. I'd been withholding the truth from you for almost as long. You knew of my attraction to power, and you were _well_ aware I had my bad side.

Was it _really_ so hard to believe?

You didn't say anything.

You only stared at me, your eyes hard.

You'd lost me, just as I'd lost you, long ago, and we both knew it. You took a deep breath then, standing as straight as you could. You titled your chin up at me, almost haughtily in anger, and then you turned on your heel and left.

It was the first time you had ever left me.

I don't think it was easy for you, but still, you never once looked back.

I collapsed back into my chair once you'd disappeared and put my head into my hands.

It hadn't been easy for me either.

* * *

Well? I tried to do some more Evil Gin With Reason. 

Reviews? Please?

PS-- the latest manga chapter had me so excited. Kenpachi's goin' to make SAUCE outta Nnoitra... WTF is his released form anyways?

A spork?

...ok, I know that was awful, but I couldn't resist.

-Luin


	12. Your Eyes

So this was a long time coming...sorry? Sadly, school trumps fanfiction, and 'Lilies' and a few other planned stories (which you can check out on my profile page :3) have all been taking over my life... but mostly it's school... and fencing... here you go, though, sorry it's pretty short ;

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach... but I wish I did.

* * *

Aizen-sama had the girl brought here today—Inoue Orihime. 

I confess, she reminds me a little bit of you.

It's not just her obvious physical assets, but the optimism she seems to posses, even if it's just the smallest amount. She's got your same determination, Rangiku. She knows what's at stake here, as well as what she needs to do, I can sense it.

She doesn't have your strength, the raw power you eventually learned to control and turn into your loyal ash-cat, but she's got something; her strange, time and space reversal powers.

I've started to find myself thinking what I could use her and her powers for.

Given the chance, I wonder if I could make her take me back, make it so I never left with Aizen and come to this obviously God forsaken pit of sand. Somehow I don't think her powers work _quite_ like that.

It's nice to think about, though.

I think it's her eyes that get me the most.

They lack the endurance I've seen in your eyes, endurance that you've gained over your many years—but mostly they lack the cynicism that you've come to view the world with, most likely due to me.

Her eyes are hard, but they lack the pain that I'd see in yours, the raw hurt I _did_ see in your eyes the day I left your side for good by means of a huge, golden light.

Sure, there is pain in the girl's eyes, one just has to look at the situation she is in to understand why, but it doesn't affect me the same way the pain in yours does.

Probably because I'm not the _cause_ of the pain in her eyes.

I'm going to bet that Kuroskai never packed up and left her, betraying everything she believed in and knowingly crushing her heart in his hand.

He doesn't have it in him.

He'll probably show up here soon to save her, crashing around in the sand, creating havoc for us as he goes.

It will break the monotony of this place nicely.

I'm hoping he gets here _soon_.

I haven't yet decided if I want you to be with him.

I'm confident that you would seek me out if you came here, either that, or I'd seek you out, keeping careful watch over you.

You'd _hate_ that.

What would I say to you, Ran-chan?

What _could_ I say, is a better question.

'_Sorry_'?

Somehow, I don't think that would sit well with you. I've said sorry to you only once, and look how _that_ turned out.

The truth?

Even I'm not sure I know what the truth is. And there is no guarantee you'd believe me, either. I think you'd want to, but I haven't given you much reason—ever—to believe a single word I've said.

Yet… you did believe, on more than one occasion, and surprisingly, on more than one of those occasions, my words to you were true.

It only makes me feel all the worse. Betraying and misleading the only person in my life I care about—the only person I've ever loved…

It's enough to get my twisted heart to ache.

I've said it before, though never to you, but when I die at the end of this whole plot, I want you to be the one holding the blade.

It still rings true, Rangiku, and I find myself hoping more and more than you will come here, following on the heels on Kurosaki Ichigo, to put an end to me.

* * *

This isn't one of my favorites, but it's been done for ever and I felt the two week lack of updates was getting mean.

As always, please review, especially if you favorite or alert this story.

-Luin


	13. Unspoken

Bet no one thought this was ever coming...sorry guys. I'll babble later, for now, try and enjoy this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...but I wish I did.

* * *

In the weeks preceding my betrayal of Soul Society, I took to making stops at places that held some sort of meaning for me. The list was small, barely even a list at all: the Academy room where I passed my fukutaicho examination, the empty field where I'd achieved my bankai for the first time, the dirt road I first met you…

Our little shack was last on my list.

I'd unconsciously saved it for last. I knew it was going to be the hardest.

I hadn't been back there, to our sad hovel where I spent some of the best days of my long life, for years. I hadn't been back since we packed up and left it for Seireitei, the day after your hellcat had nearly eaten me.

I didn't use shunpo to get there, but rather I walked every step of the way. From the front door of my captain's quarters, through Seireitei and the upper districts of Rukongai till I reached the small desert we had called home. I still knew the paths, the little shortcuts through the dry woods and tall grasses. Some of them were worn down, others barely used. I began to get a sense of how much time had passed as I wandered down a path overgrown with brush…too much.

I reached our small home when the moon was at its peak in the sky. Evidence of abandonment was everywhere. The cloth door hung in tatters, holes littered the thatch roof, and one of the walls had nearly caved in. I don't know why, but I was glad that no one had touched our home since we left it.

I waded slowly towards the door, parting the cloth gingerly with long fingers, careful not to destroy what was left of our front door. Moonlight poured through the windows, illuminating the inside of our hut. Pots and pans still rested on the makeshift shelf you had made for us.

Dust had settled everywhere. On our pallets, the water basin, the walls…the only real sign that time had passed here. Standing in the center of the shack, I opened my eyes fully. I felt at ease there, as I always had, and did not feel the need to squint, to keep my eyes sharp. I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as I took in the smells that still seemed to linger there. They were faint, fading…just like you and I had once we'd left this place.

My feet carried me from the center of the room towards an open hole in the wall, too one of our two windows. The curtain had long fallen down, and it lay in a heap on the floor. Slowly, I reach down, grasping the faded fabric between my fingers. It feels like it's ready to disintegrate and blow away in the breeze that is now flowing through the windows and doorway.

The feeling of it, the silken feeling of the old fabric between my fingers, reminded me of your hair, Rangiku. Soft, silky to the touch.

And I found myself, for the first time in quite some time, longing for nothing more than the feel of you quite desperately.

Your skin against mine, the soft curves of your body pressed against the hard lines of my own, the weight of your head in my hands, my fingers snaked through your hair…

My breath seemed to catch in my throat, and my eyes slowly slid closed. I could almost feel you, in the room there with me. My mind tried to recall images of our life here, but the best I could do was bits and pieces thrown haphazardly together in no specific order. Us by the river, looking no more than twelve years of age; us before we left for the academy, the way you slipped your hand into mine as we turned our backs on the only life we ever knew; nights spent hot and breathless on my sleeping pallet; days when I'd come home after leaving you for too long…they all seemed to swarm around me in my hand.

I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in the memories of you, memories that still seemed to haunt me. There is a saying in the human world that love makes time pass, and time makes love pass.

I have to say, I don't believe a word of it.

So much time has passed between the last day I held you, kissed you…and still, the feelings seem to reside somewhere deep within me, buried beneath the malice and treachery I've surrounded myself with. But despite it all, all the years, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds… I still love you.

Yet I'd never told you so.

I opened my eyes, my hand now clenched in a fist, crushing the old and rotting curtain till it threatened to disappear from the force of my reiatsu.

If there is one thing I regret in my twisted life, it is not the people I've wronged, innocents I've killed, souls I've tricked… it is never telling you that you were—that you still _are_— the most important part of my life.

I let the fabric slide from my fingers, back to it's spot on the ground, and turned back to the shack.

I wonder if you knew, Rangiku, how I felt. If you ever figured out the true extent of my feelings for you… and how much they scared me.

I was not used to someone having the power over me that you did, and that you still do. No has ever been able to cause an ache I my chest with a look, to make me feel as if I am melting with mere words, stop my sword from delivering the killing blow…no one, but you.

I was never able to form the words; they felt awkward and heavy on my tongue. I felt as if I had no right to love something so wonderful, someone so pure and beautiful as you…

You were always good at reading me, my thoughts and my facial expression, minute actions and muscle twitches. I can only hope that you could hear the unspoken words that I could not say to you.

I could feel the memories pouring back, both pleasant and gut wrenching, and I gritted my teeth, reaching out for something—anything—to pull me out of the self-induced misery.

That's when I felt it.

A small tingle that reached my nose first, then seemingly the very core of my reiatsu.

It was you.

My eyes snapped open and I looked frantically towards the door, wondering if you'd had the same idea I did, the same need to come visit the place where we'd grown up careless and, dare I say it, happy. I didn't know what you would do if you found me here, had absolutely no idea what I would say to you if you strode through the doorway.

But as the breeze blew through the door, no part of you came with it.

But I could still feel your reiatsu, somewhere nearby. My eyes traveled around the room, up and down the walls, until finally, they rested on my old sleeping pallet, and a faint silvery-amber glow rested on it.

You had been here, been on my pallet, sometime recently, for the trace of you had not vanished completely. Slowly, I walked over, towering above the pathetic heap of fabric we used to sleep on. The dust there had been disturbed, and if I looked hard enough, I thought I could see what would have been the outline of your long body. Hesitantly, I knelt and then reached out, brushing my fingers on the fabric that you had lain on.

What was left of your reiatsu touched me with such ferocity that I nearly jerked my hand back. I'm not sure what caused it, whether it was my abstinence from you for so long, or possibly the fact that you now had so much hatred for me, but the contact hurt, burned my fingers.

I stared slowly down at the outline of your body, and silently, eased myself down onto the fabric, careful not to disturb the place where your body had been. I could feel you all around me then, burning and thrilling all at once. I knew what I was doing was beyond pathetic, but it was all I had. It was as close to you as I was ever going to be again, and I was not strong enough to let it go.

Carefully, I lay my head down on the pillow, as I could see you had done, and inhaled deeply, the soft scent of you bombarding me more strongly than your reiatsu had.

And for one last night, I was able to lose myself in you.

* * *

Sorry that this took so long...summer has a way of making me not want to do anything remotely productive. But this has been niggling at me for a while, and I sat down today and cranked it out. I have to say, I liked it, despite how unlikely it is now...the 'Turn Back The Pendulum' chapters sort of destroyed my nice Gin, but...oh well.

As always, please review!

-Luin


	14. Betrayal

Woo! Update!! This was inspired by a conversation with MatsuMama on why Gin leaves...

Enjoy :3

* * *

Power is something I am very familiar with.

I'm used to wielding it, to feeling it coursing through my veins, surrounding me in the form of my reiatsu. I am a professional when it comes to intimidation through power—I can make grown, ranked shinigami quiver on the spot with no more than a sideways glance and twisted smile. I can defeat a Vasto Lorde with no more than a single stroke of my sword. I can make the air around a being impossible to move through with the smallest fluctuation in my reiatsu.

Having power held over me, however…is something I am decidedly _not_ used to.

It makes me uncomfortable, forces me on edge, makes my skin bead with sweat…it is also something that doesn't happen often. I would like to say it never happens—but that would be a lie, and I hate lying to you.

_You_…

The only being to ever hold some semblance of power over me… more power over me than I was comfortable with.

I'm not sure if you knew the extent to which you affected me. It's possible, you are far from ignorant, despite the fact you act it now and then. But there is also the possibility that you had absolutely no idea. My actions might make more sense to you if you had known.

But I've seen your eyes shine with betrayal and regret when you look at me, and I'm willing to bet that you didn't know. Willing to bet that you _still_ don't.

I realized the power that you held over me when we were still young, living in that pathetic hovel in the middle of nowhere. I'd started disappearing now and then, wandering off on my own for a few days before returning back to you. It was the fourth or fifth time I'd decided to leave, rising in the middle of the night simply because I could not force myself to sleep. I cast a glance at your sleeping figure a few feet away, your arms thrown haphazardly around you, your mouth open slightly.

You looked so innocent. And you were, at the time. You were the lone bright spot in my life, the only creature capable of bringing a genuine smile to my face. You still would be, given the right circumstances…circumstances that I am sure will never come into play.

It didn't take me long to figure out that my disappearances bothered and upset you. For some reason I still can't fathom, you liked having me around.

I liked having you around, too…and the fact that you wanted me near you, even when we were young, did strange things to me. It made me feel whole, made me feel needed and wanted.

It made me feel loved.

I'd find myself doing more for you, simply because I wanted to.

You never needed assistance with anything, but more often than not I would go out of my way to help you. I would bring you flowers just to see your eyes light up, surprise you with little gifts for no other reason than to see you smile. Your smile, so clear and beautiful, made my stomach flip.

I liked nothing more than seeing you happy.

And more than anything, I hated seeing you upset. I'd do everything I could to cheer you up when you were sad.

I eventually realized these things, how much your moods and feelings affected me. And soon after that, I realized the control it gave you over me.

The feeling was unfamiliar to me, never before (and I'd like to think never again) had someone had that sort of power over me.

My leaving became no more than a sick game I played with myself. I'd leave and stay away till I could no longer stand to be away from you. I'd come back for myself, to keep myself sane. And for you, to see you smile as I sauntered over the horizon, sometimes with flowers or some other small gift to try and ease the fact that I'd abandoned you once more.

I think you saw through my gifts at that point, as they stopped making you as happy as they used to. The fact that I caused you so much pain ate away at me, and at the same time, made me more determined not to be affected by you. And so I'd keep leaving, and keep coming home.

I kept putting us both through the vicious cycle I had created, running us thin until your eyes no longer lit up when they saw me. We were at the academy by then, both training hard and studying into the late hours of the night. I think you'd started to see through my game, but I don't think you could bear to shut me out of your life completely.

I don't know if I could have handled that. If you had willingly shut me out, it would have destroyed me. But if I eventually brought it on myself, as I was surely doing, I would live with it. I would have to, wouldn't I? I told myself you would be better off in the end without me in your life, but now, I am not so sure…

The look in your eyes, the pure loathing and betrayal in your eyes when I finally turned my back on you for good, the day I ascended into the sky with Aizen, haunts me even now.

* * *

So...This is the second to last installment of 'Reminiscence'. I have decided to wrap it up with 15 chapters, and I will be putting a poll on my profile for what you want to see in the last chapter. If you have other suggestions, please PM them to me, or include them in a review!

Which brings me to say... please review!

-Luin


	15. One Last Glance

Well...here is the last chapter of 'Reminiscence'. I'll save my ramblings for the end, please enjoy!

* * *

My footfalls echo all around me, in the dark void created by La Garganta, despite the fact that my steps are light and soft on the ground. The tunnel is completely empty, bereft of any form of light or life.

It would unnerve me if I were not already accustomed to the feeling of emptiness.

I would like to tell you that I know exactly what I am doing as I make my way down this dark pathway. But in a rare show of honesty… I must admit I do not.

Spur of the moment decisions are something I am not used to making—I'm not sure I've really ever made more than one or two in my long lifetime—but here I am, walking with a purpose I'm not sure I even know of, to the other side of this tunnel.

Where I know you are.

I will make no means to justify this action, other than the fact that it was necessary—so completely _crucial_ to the continuation of my existence.

Which is nothing short of ironic, because I have very little faith that I will be making a return trip down this dark tunnel.

I am doing something positively _essential_ for my own survival—and it will most likely kill me.

Oddly enough, I am fine with that. I've said before that the only person with any right to end my life would be you, should be you…in some twisted sense I want it to be you.

I would like to tell you that I know exactly what I am doing…

But I don't know what I'm expecting to happen when I find you—or _if_ I find you.

I might not even make it that far.

There's nothing saying that Aizen hasn't noticed my disappearance, despite my efforts to conceal my reiatsu and mask my trail. I'm positive that Aizen would not approve of my sneaking off to the real world to see you.

It is something that would certainly put me in the path of Aizen's calm, calculated wrath.

He does not want to risk surprise, or, I'd like to think, his highly trusted second in command.

Who, it turns out, isn't really to be trusted.

A sardonic smile quirks my lips.

Funny, you'd think he would have figured that out by now.

I don't bother glancing over my shoulder, trying to discern if I've been followed. I don't care, and I would have known by now. There is no creature here in Heuco Mundo that can sneak up on me, aside from Aizen, and he is cocky enough not to mask his reiatsu.

I know the path I took here is empty behind me.

And if it's not…it can't be any worse than what I will find in front of me.

I don't know what I'll do when I see you. I don't know what you will do when you see me. Or if anyone else sees me…

I have a feeling your little boy-taicho will not spare me a second glance before he attempts to destroy me. Ichigo and his group of friends might be slower to react…but I have a feeling the substitute shinigami would have no major qualms about killing me either.

And you, Rangiku…would you?

Would you let me try and tell you all of the things that have been going through my mind these months at Las Noches? Would you let me try and explain what it is that you mean to me? Would you listen to my twisted story?

I think you might…but I cannot say for sure.

You probably hate me by now. I'd be surprised if you didn't hate me. I almost hope that you do…it would mean you still feel something towards me.

The path is narrowing in front of me; I know I'm nearing the end of the Garganta. I still have no idea what it is that I am doing.

Only that it is necessary…

What looks like a silver thread runs along the wall that has seemingly materialized in before me. The end of the Garganta.

I raise my hand to pull the thread, opening the jagged gateway, and I notice something: my hand is shaking.

Not violently, not enough to call attention to myself, but it is noticeable to me, as it would be to you.

My hand never shakes. Not once in my life have I been what you would call 'nervous'.

Except for now.

Narrowing my eyes more than usual at my disobedient hand, I slowly pull the silver strand away from the wall. The Garganta makes it's strange, warbling noise and suddenly Karakura is spread out before me.

It's dark out, well past midnight in the human world. The thought makes me feel slightly more at ease. It's refreshing to know that here time does pass in its usual manner, a cycle of light and dark, as apposed to Hueco Mundo, where it is never-ending night.

I am careful to keep a firm grip on my reiatsu now; my shaking hand has told me that my grip on myself is not as strong as it used to be. And I will need my wits about me if I am spotted.

I carefully close the Garganta, not bothering to watch as the sky zips itself back together, and use shunpo to quickly bring myself to the ground, disappearing into a grouping of trees.

Without even searching the area for spirit power, I know where you are.

I wonder if it has simply been the absence of you that had made your pulse this strong, or if it has always been this way and I simply can't remember. The mere suggestion of your presence in the same realm as my own elicits a subtle throb that radiates throughout my entire frame.

You're alone, a stationary pulse no more than a mile from me.

Without a second thought, I am racing silently through the sleeping town.

Millions of things are racing through my mind as I get closer and closer to you.

What do I say to you? Do I even speak? Do I let you know I am even there?

I stop a mere twelve feet from the spot where I feel your reiatsu, unable to answer any of the questions I pose to myself.

You're in a park, at the center of an open grove of trees.

I cannot see you though, as I have positioned myself behind one of the trees encircling you.

My heart is beating so fast and so loud that I wonder why you cannot hear my pulse from where you stand.

You are so close to me, closer than you've been in what seems like eons, and I feel like I can't breathe.

I know that nothing will make this easier, that nothing will make moving myself from the trees, and moving you into my line of vision, a simple task.

With a slow, shallow breath, I take a step from the base of the tree. I close my eyes until I know that I will be able to see through the foliage, and then I open my eyes—truly open them—and my breath is seemingly knocked from my lungs.

Nothing could prepare me for what this moment would feel like.

Your back is to me. You're standing strong, confident as you have always been. The moon's silvery light seems to outline your body and emphasize your curves. It makes breathing that much harder.

Your hair seems to shine more than I remember, falling in soft waves from your head down and over your shoulders. It blows gently in the breeze, and I catch a flash of pink between the gold strands of your hair.

You're still wearing the scarf that I bought for you, so many years ago.

That seems to give me some sort of courage, something I never thought I'd need, and I take another step.

There is no way I can come this close to you and leave without at least seeing your face, or hearing your voice.

I am careful to make myself appear non-threatening. I make my posture as relaxed as I can, let my arms hang loosely at my sides. My eyes remain fully open, and slowly, as slowly as I can, I take another step forward, into the copse of trees. I move carefully into the moonlight, and I let my feet make the faintest of sounds on the cold grass beneath my feet.

You whirl on me instantly, Haineko drawn as you turn.

It falls instantly from your grasp as your eyes fall upon me.

You are beautiful.

Stunning.

Astonishing.

Exquisite.

You're the same and yet completely different from how I remember you.

Your eyes seem brighter, livelier, but yet there are dark circles under them. Oddly enough they do not subtract or belittle the effect you have on me.

Your perfect mouth is open in a small, surprised 'O', and your hands still seem to think they are grasping your trusted hellcat.

I'm positive my eyes are as wide as yours; I am still just as shocked by the reality of your presence as you are from the surprise of mine.

I open my mouth, slowly, not moving any other part of my body aside from my lips. I can feel them moving, but I hear no words, no sound comes from my mouth.

It takes what seems like hours for some sound to emerge from my mouth, and neither of us moves as that time passes.

My voice is hoarse, so completely different from my normal, silken tone.

Only one audible word escapes my lips:

"_Rangiku_."

* * *

So I'm sure many of you are disappointed by this veritable cliff hanger...

But I have a surprise!

A companion piece to 'Reminiscence' is planned/in the works, THIS TIME, from Rangiku's point of view. I love this style of re-visiting Gin and Rangiku's (mostly made-up) past to give it up, but I'm sort of tired of writing it from Gin's point of view. I love Rangiku dearly, and thought I'd give it a shot. Besides, I want to see this reunion in Karakura as much as the rest of you...but I'm just not ready to write it (which is hard to explain). So, Rangiku's turn it is.

I can't promise when it will be up or when it will start, school work trumps fanfiction and so far this has been my busiest/most stressful semester to date, but it will happen. There will probably be an interim period, I was to get some work done on 'Lilies, Everlasting', but it will happen. I promise!

Having said that, I want to thank all of my readers and reviewers for your support and enthusiasm for this series of one-shots. Most of my reviews included the words "cry", "bittersweet", and "tears"...I am sorry for making you all so sad.

Till it happens, please, please, PLEASE review! And take the poll on my profile regarding the companion piece!

-Luin


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